Ask me anything
Mirror mirror on the wall.
Show me every single flaw.
Make me hate me, feel the pain.
And never, ever eat again.
(Source: bloodypounds)
“Losing four more pounds will make me anorexic. That’s what my doctor told me. I want that. I don’t want that. Please, let me fight this. Please. I don’t want to fight this. I don’t want to recover. I hate this. My mind is telling me one thing, my heart is telling me another. I’m soo confused!”
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prettyperfectperfection asked: Hello! How is your day going so far? :) It’s not going too bad, I guess. I went to Hershey yesterday, for treatment. Um, that didn’t go so great. I gained a pound, and I feel it already. I know I shouldn’t like obsess about it, but I am. My dietician told me I am severly restricting and I need to start giving my body some nutrition. I know I need to do it, but it scares me to death to feed my body. I really, really, really don’t want to get fat. Not at all. So, she told me I don’t need to follow my maintenance meal plan from inpatient, (about 1,500 calories a day), but I do need to start eating at least one item at every meal and not purge it. So, we agreed on a granola bar at breakfast, half a sandwich or a yoghurt at lunch, and a side salad at dinner. I mean, it doesn’t sound too bad to a person who eats normal amounts, but to me, it scares the living crap out of me. I am really apprehensive about trying to eat this much. I know it doesn’t sound like a lot, but to a person who is limiting their calorie intake to 200 everyday, that is a lot of food. I really don’t know what I’m going to do, but I know I at least need to try to follow what they are telling me to do and not purge. But, anyways, enough about me, how are you doing? |
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Anonymous asked: Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to judge you. I'm trying to understand what are the reasons for being pro-ana and pro-mia. I mean, Do you like having an ED? cause most of the girls with an ED I talked to say it's horibble and they hate it. The only person I want to be pro-ana or pro-mia is myself. I don’t promote eating disorders. Only for myself. I don’t like having an ed, but it’s hard to see myself without one. I know it’s horrible.. it’s destroyed almost all the relationships with my family…so no I don’t like it, I just want to be skinny and like what I see in the mirror. Until I get there, I use this. |
I know I want recovery. I want my life back to normal. I want to be a normal teenager and eat pizza and ice cream and all the foods I love without feeling guilty, without feeling the need to purge. I know it will be hard…probably the hardest thing I’ve ever done…but I know I want it, and I know if I start partial, I know I’m going to have to start somewhere. Why not here? My dietician wants me to eat at least one thing at each meal…which will be hard, but I know I will have to do it if I start partial because they will make me eat sooo much more. I need to start this road to recovery again. I need to start somewhere. At least she isn’t making me follow my 1,500 calorie meal plan…not yet at least. We are taking baby steps, and I think that’s the only way I can do this..so I guess that’s one positive thing. I still weigh 104 and I really feel disgusting…but everyone else says that I’m perfect. I don’t believe it, but I guess I need to start saying that to myself everyday until I start to believe it…that’s one simple thing I can do to fight this. It will be really hard to not throw up what I eat, but I need to at least try not to purge. I am really only required to eat a granola bar a breakfast, half a peanut butter sandwich at lunch, and a small salad at dinner. That will be 100 calories from breakfast, 320 for lunch, and 55 calories from dinner. That will be 475 calories. That’s not far from what I’m consuming now, so why not try to do it and not purge. I don’t need to prove to the doctors at Hershey that I have an eating disorder, they already know I have one. I am on a mission to prove that I can recover. That’s my goal. Give me your opinion. <3
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Anonymous asked: That is not being a pro-ana. That is suffering from an ED. pro-ana blogs are promoting eating disorder, you're not. You're not giving tips to people and saying how geat and good it is to have an ED. Okay, well. I know I have an eating disorder. I’m getting treatment. So, whatever you want to call it, as long as you understand the whole story. I def don’t think it is great to be suffering from an ed..it’s not. Not at all. So…yeah. But, I do know how it feels to suffer and I know how it feels to hate yourself. |
Everday when i get home from work I go straight onto Tumblr. Because it’s the only place I can find the strength to keep away from the kitchen. Leave me and my blog alone, you don’t like it, fuck off. Is that clear?
(Source: haveigoneroundthebend)
